The Beach Moment That Taught Me to Respond Instead of React
I was playing catch with my little brother before sunset on the beach in Santa Rosa, Florida.
The sky was glowing, the waves were calm, until I looked down and saw these words etched in the sand:
“God hates Black people.”
My chest tightened. Anger, sadness, disbelief, they all collided at once.
And right there, with my brother beside me, I had a choice.
I could react out of rage. Or I could respond with clarity.
That moment became a lesson I’ve carried into every area of my life, especially in leadership, business, and personal resilience.
Why Responding Matters More Than Reacting
We’ve all faced moments that trigger us:
A colleague undermining you in a meeting.
A client firing off a late-night email.
A loved one saying something that cut deep.
A boss dropping a last-minute deadline on your desk.
In those moments, stress hijacks your nervous system. The instinct is to react fast, emotional, unfiltered.
But here’s the truth: reacting drains your energy, while responding protects it.
The Difference Between Reacting and Responding
Reacting is emotional autopilot: fueled by fear, stress, or ego.
Responding is intentional: grounded in values, clarity, and long-term vision.
When you react, you hand over your power. When you respond, you reclaim your energy and leadership.
The Cost of Reacting at Work
Think about the last time you fired off a frustrated email or spoke without pausing first. What did it cost you? Trust? Confidence? Extra stress later?
Now think about when you paused, centered yourself, and then responded. That’s when you created clarity, lowered tension, and strengthened relationships.
Responding isn’t just a “soft skill.” It’s a resilience strategy. Leaders who choose to respond rather than react:
Lower stress and avoid burnout.
Make smarter business decisions.
Strengthen trust with colleagues and clients.
5 Skills to Help You Respond Instead of React
Responding is a skill you can train like a muscle. Here are five tools to help you shift from reaction to response:
The 90-Second Rule
Emotions like anger chemically surge for about 90 seconds. After that, it’s your choice to keep fueling them. When triggered, wait before responding.
Box Breathing (4–4–4–4)
Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. This calms your nervous system and gives you space to think.
Name the Emotion
Silently say: “I feel frustrated,” or “I feel dismissed.” Naming emotions reduces their intensity and gives your rational brain more control.
Reframe the Story
Ask yourself: “What else could be true here?” Maybe the late-night email isn’t personal — the client could be stressed or rushed.
Ask the Outcome Question
Before responding, pause and ask: “What outcome do I want here?” This shifts you from impulse to intentional leadership.
Final Reflection
The next time stress hits, pause and ask yourself: Am I about to react, or am I choosing to respond?
That one choice could be the difference between burnout and balance, between exhaustion and sustainable success.
Because true leadership isn’t about controlling everything around you, it’s about controlling yourself.
Want to Go Deeper?
If you’re ready to pause, reflect, and start rewriting your definition of success on your own terms:
Download a free chapter of my book, Success Starts Within, and learn how to reclaim your energy and create success that actually feels good: Click here to download
P.S. Ready to explore how I can help your team reduce burnout? Click here to learn more
Chazz Scott | Resilience & Sustainable Performance Expert | Founder, Supra Mentem Consulting | Author of Success Starts Within
Creator of the Rise & Reclaim Blueprint™ – Helping professionals and teams break free from burnout, boost retention, and build success that actually feels good.
